I rarely wake up with any type of coherent thought in my head, but this morning when my eyes opened all I could think was "I'm not ready for this." Truth be told, though, the first day of chemo wasn't that horrible. It feels really damn weird to have all these chemicals pumped into a metal thing implanted in my chest near my heart, but was relatively painless and I actually slept through most of it. About half an hour into it, when I was still a little freaked out and upset, I got pissed off at myself and decided to just suck it up and deal with it. And that's what I did. Of course, it helps that the side effects don't start immediately-- the nurses said they'll probably start kicking in around the end of this week and all through next week. I'm glad I'll get a couple days without side effects first for "practice." It also really helps knowing how many people are thinking about me and rooting for me right now... It means so much to me. All day today I thought about how important everyone is to me. If you're reading this chances are you're included.

I'm also kinda starting to like my buzzed hair. One less unimportant thing to bother with.