All through the night I kept dreaming about huge snow storms and looking out at the snow through high windows. I wouldn't bother mentioning it except for the fact that I almost never remember my dreams. Well, anyway, today is Thanksgiving if you haven't noticed and I need to clean my room, do laundry, see my mom and then stuff myself with turkey. Here's to gaining ten pounds before Monday!

My mom and I got lunch and swung by the movies to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding. We both really liked it. It's just... so... nice! It is a very nice movie. Also, Mom told me that it's actually a true story-- the main character, whose real name is Mia, originally wrote a play based on her wedding and then developed it into a movie. A lot of the characters in the movie are her actual family members. (They hired a better-looking guy to play her love interest, though.) I forgot to mention that I saw Chamber of Secrets a few days ago and was disappointed, much to my surprise. The first one seemed long and tedious and even though I've read all the books since then, the second movie seemed even worse. I guess I'll skip the rest of the movies and stick to my imagination.

As mom and I were walking into the threatre it started to snow. It was the first snow I've seen since last winter and it made the moment feel special.

My birthday kind of... sucked. I told my parents I wanted to go out to eat for dinner, but instead they made a bunch of food that I don't like and invited over some of their friends who I don't know. Then, I was so anemic that when I stood up from the dinner table I wobbled on my feet and passed out. That's what I was told, anyway, since I don't remember any of it myself. I laid down on the couch to shut my eyes for a few minutes and let the dizziness pass, and woke up hours later with a raging fever that lasted through Sunday afternoon. Soooo... it wasn't how I pictured my 21st birthday would be, but it's not the end of the world. And I'm sure on my 22nd birthday I'll look back at this one and laugh and laugh and laugh, because by then all of this cancer drama will be a distant memory.

To fight the anemia I got a transfusion of 2 units of blood (or more specifically, "packed red blood cells") yesteday. I've never gotten a transfusion before and I was really nervous, but it went fine. I already feel a lot stronger today, as well as grateful. I wish there was some way I could contact the donors and thank them. Giving blood really does make a difference! I would start donating myself once I'm healthy enough, but I found out they don't let cancer survivors donate until five years after their treatment is finished. (Not that that doesn't make sense-- who'd wanna be transfused with somebody's nasty cancery blood?)

In other news, my mom is in town for a week to spend some time with me and help out, and that's always fun. And in other news, Matt is coming up this Friday to spend the weekend with me and I can't wait.

That's all for now. This is Nerdslut, signing out!

Oh yeah, and Jenn's right, my birthday's on Saturday, not Sunday. I looked at a calendar and everything and was still wrong. x_x lmao im so dumb ;-;

By golly, today I am going to get out of the house if it kills me.

Hooray, I am still alive! The last week or so has been the hardest by far. I'm starting to feel better again, even though I'm still losing weight and I get worn out just from climbing a flight of stairs. This weekend I hope to see some new movies and play the new DDR machine at the arcade (although I'm not entirely sure the latter will be physically possible). My birthday's this Sunday, too. Rock on. Oh, here are some quizes:


What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla


How seme are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I had my first day of the second chemo cycle today and I feel really nauseous and tired already, which I wasn't expecting. But anyway, the weekend was great. I spent most of it with Matt and got to pick up a bunch more of my stuff and then drive my own car back, so now I'll have some transportation up in dis piece. I also got to see my friend Perry (hi Perry!), as well as see two awesome movies. On Saturday Matt and I saw Spirited Away by Miyazaki Hayao, which is hands down the most amazing animated film I've ever seen. I think I'm still in awe from it. (Does anyone know when the DVD is being released domestically?) On Sunday we went with Perry to see The Ring which scared the living fuck out of me. I must have covered my face a dozen times. It was a whole lot of fun, though, even though there seemed to be a few holes in the plot and it's made me a little jumpy about being alone in the dark.

I really miss all my friends in Athens.

Kinda getting used to the Q-ball thing. I'm all packed to head home this weekend and we're leaving bright and early tomorrow morning; Dad's driving me down and then I'm driving my own car back on Sunday. I'm really nervous about Matt seeing me like this, though. It's been over a month since we saw each other and I'm coming back a frail sickly little wreck. He deserves better.

I've decided that this is the next movie on my to-rent list:

The intrigue of losing my hair wore off pretty damn fast once I started pulling out clumps of it whenever I scratched my scalp. My bed, my hats; everything is covered in it. Dad just helped my shave it all off. Goddamn, I hate this.

Oh, and as far as I can tell I haven't started to lose my hair yet. It's bizarre. What's even more bizarre is that I'm kind of hoping to.

Life's going on. I'm fighting off some kind of pesky cold, but I've gotten the lion's share of my energy, appetite and tastes back and I am looking forward to going to Athens this weekend in order to see Matt and pick up more of my stuff! Spent most of the past couple days just vegging in front of the TV playing Final Fantasy X, but it's okay to do that once in a while. As for the game, its main themes seem to be religion and sports, two things I couldn't care less about, but it makes me smile more often than it makes me roll my eyes so I guess I can't complain.

I've been thinking a little, too. I'm dealing with cancer and chemotherapy, and that's anything but quiet or minor, but aside from that my life is quieter right now than I can remember it being in years. Even over the summers I always had jobs and I went out almost every day... Now I'm just kind of resting and relaxing, which is probably what I need, but it's not what I'm used to. I forgot a long time ago how to slow down, but now I guess I'm learning that again.

Refurbished PS2 + memory card + Final Fantasy X + Ico + Parappa 2 = $255. It pays to be ruthless.

I'm still a little weak and sick but overall I feel 1000% better. The worst of the post-chemo system shock has definitely passed. Despite the insane amounts of fluid I've been drinking every day, though, my skin is dry and flaky and my scalp is itching. The nurses say that's the prelude to losing one's hair. The next few days should be interesting.

How is it already November? I turn 21 in a little over 3 weeks. Granted, I'll be spending my birthday in a clinic getting pumped with chemoshit and not in bars downtown pumping myself with more enjoyable chemicals, but I will try hard to enjoy the day anyway.

I spoke too soon last time about feeling completely better; overall I'm definitely much improved but I've developed some bad heartburn the past few days and am also still losing a lot of sleep from coughing, which is beginning to wear me back down. According to the nurses my white blood cell count is still very low from the chemo, which means I'm really susceptible to catching anything that comes my way at the moment. They won't even let me eat fresh fruit or vegetables until Monday due to the bacteria/disease risk.

I guess this journal has rapidly turned into a list of woes lately but I don't have much else to report right now. I haven't left the house to go anywhere but the clinic in days, not that I have much desire to. I was hoping to go home to see Matt and pick up my car and some more of my stuff this weekend, but it doesn't look like it's going to happen for another week because of the damn shots/check-ups each morning.

However, I had a nice surprise this morning. My roommate sent up my mail from Georgia which included my paycheck from work ($120) and my boss finally mailed me my last paycheck from my bussing job over the summer ($67). I think I might use the money to buy a PS2 this weekend. It was one of the reasons I got the job down at school in the first place, and by golly feels good to be all responcible-like and earn the money for something I want! Now to save up enough for Tekken 4, Final Fantasy X, GTA: Vice City...