My trip pictures! Matt's to come soon.

I am back from Europe, happy and in one piece and better than ever, really! I got in late yesterday afternoon, but as I'd been travelling for 16 hours (12 of them via plane) and had been awake for two days, I wasn't in too much of a rush to mess with my blog. Since I don't really know where to begin-- and since I'd certainly have a hard time ending-- I don't think I'll attempt to descibe it that much. I will definitely say, though, that while I didn't like France much (no one in the group did actually) I am without a doubt moving to England at some point. I felt more at home there than I've ever felt here in the US. I'm sure a portion of this is traveller's romanticism, since one never has to worry about things like jobs or bills or politics while visiting a place, but there's just something that felt right to me. Being in a place where the culture and the cities are steeped in thousands of years of history and tradition has a very grounding and inspiring affect. Also, none of us encountered any hostility whatsoever about the war, although in the pubs several people came up and politely asked our opinions on it. Um... what else... There's just so much that I don't know what to say! If anyone has any specific questions, feel free to ask them. Questions are nice and focused.

I think I'm going to make some breakfast and maybe catch up on my sleep. This jet lag stuff is heinous!

All I can think about is what must it be like to wake up to the sounds of bombs?

New high score: 128,448.

Now that I've scraped together enough money to pay my speeding ticket, I finally told Dad about it this afternoon. He was not happy. Sometimes I wonder if my hatred of imperfection and failure was at all fostered by the wrath he turns on me whenever I do something wrong or mess something up. See, this is why I never want to be a parent-- the thought of being responcible for someone's welfare and their psychological trauma just doesn't appeal to me.

Random silliness:

...So it appears that I am set to fly to France the day after the US will declare war on Iraq. A lot of my family have asked me to reconsider the trip, but Matt and I have weighed the circumstances and although we're both a little nervous-- the entire group is, naturally-- we still plan to go. I've already run the discussion into the ground with my family, so I hope you won't mind if I just leave it at that in here.

Concerning lighter matters, I stumbled upon Bounce Out a couple days ago and have been addicted to it ever since. Give it a shot-- although I recommend you turn your speakers off first or play mp3s or something to occupy your sound card, because the sound effects are pretty annoying. (At the moment my high score is 63,380.)

And in bizarre news, a study found that drinking a giant soda may add 400 to 500 calories to your daily diet, which could result in a 40- or 50-pound weight gain over the span of one year. Yet another reason I'm glad not to drink soda.

Since I couldn't find any clinic in town that would take me today, I had to go to the emergency room this morning for my throat. The doctor diagnosed me with pharyngitis (an infection of the pharynx) and put me on 5 days of antibiotics, with Peroset for pain (w00t!). I'm just relieved that going to the hospital wasn't a big deal, and also that when I leave for the trip in threeeeeeeeee daaaaaaaaaaaays I should already be feeling much better.

Erin's birthday was yesterday and she threw one hell of a party! I didn't know about half the people there when I came, but everyone was really cool and fun to get to know. Matt and I went early in the afternoon; he left late last night and I crashed there and came home sometime this morning. Since Matt is pretty mellow I was kind of nervous that he wouldn't enjoy himself, but he said he had a great time. It really was a blast.

Unfortunately, I woke up this morning to discover that my throat is much, much worse than it was. I don't think the medication they game me is doing anything, and since the Health Center is closed for break as of yesterday, I'm going to have to find another doctor in the city to go to (and without the aid of all my records and medical history). The trip is in fooooooouuuuuur daaaaaaaaays and I'll be damned if I'm going to spend it sick.

It seems that the short story and novel writing Maymaster classes are going to be polar opposites-- the former is very open-ended and relaxed while the latter is fast and demanding. I'd enjoy either of them a lot, although for very different reasons. While I want more technical novel writing practice I'm not sure that I have enough experience with it right now to survive a class that intense. But I'm also scared that I don't have the skill for short stories. I need to just suck it up and make a decision already.

Since my throat's been sore since Sunday-- and also since someone mentioned an outbreak of strep on campus recently-- I finally caved and went to the clinic. Luckily it turns out I just have a mild upper respiratory infection. I chatted for a while with the nurses and doctors I know, got checked out, got my meds and there you have it.

I am very glad to be bald again... except for when I'm getting rained on. I don't need acid rain seeping through my scalp, corroding my skull and warping my fragile little mind.

siiiiiiiix daaaaaaaaaays

Written on a wall in Park Hall today: "YOU ARE STILL RESPONCIBLE FOR YOUR PERSONAL INTEGRITY."

An awesome turn of events today. At the moment I'm trying to decide between the short story and novel writing classes offered during Maymester, so I talked to the professor of the short story writing class, Mary Hood. Not only did I have a great time talking about writing with her, but she also let me sit in on the short story writing class she's teaching this semester. Just being in that kind of setting with students reading and critiquing each other's work was a dream come true, even if I didn't get to participate myself (it was damn hard to keep respectfully quiet). Before talking to her I was sort of leaning towards the novel writing class, but now I'm not so sure. I'm talking to the professor of the novel writing class tomorrow, though, which will help me to make a decision and put in my application (10-page writing sample! eek!). I also got advised and sketched out a general outline for next semester; hard to believe it's been an entire year since I've had a "normal" semester of classes.

After work I hung out with Matt for the evening. We watched Samurai Jack, which we've both really gotten into lately, and he helped me shave my head and trim my goatee (1, 2). He also mentioned today that he read through my blog, adding: "It's obvious you're a good writer. But you're also insane." (For the record, I prefer to think that I am barreling fanatically down the path to literary genius.)

This time next week, I'll be on my way to Paris!

Tonight I sallied forth with Matt to see the last night of a play my roommate was performing in, An Inspector Calls-- he was the Inspector, actually, and did a great job. We arrived late and were on the waiting list for tickets, but a couple who had reserved tickets didn't show. The seats were on the ground level of the theatre and in the exact center. And when I say ground level, I mean it-- when the actors stepped forward to do their monologues, I was sitting and staring up at them from about three feet away. The play itself (aside from some plot maneuvres I don't really agree with) was also pretty interesting and had a good message. I daresay we rather enjoyed ourselves.

Recently I've been spending a lot of time working on two of my stories-- both planning and actual writing, finally-- and as always when I stoke one of my true passions into a flame, it flips that little switch deep inside me that makes me come out of my sleep and open my eyes. It's only in times like these that I really notice and ponder how, in our society, we cultivate the lives we can slip into with the most ease and then, cruising along on auto-pilot, hide in those until we die. Every day we put so much focus on routines, time-tables, conveniences and responcibilities that we come to think that that's all there is to life, and that if we handle those things adequately then we must be adequately living our lives. That's silly, of course. But it's sneaky how we fall into that trap without even seeing it coming-- at least, I know that happens to me, every time I think I've climbed out once and for all. Up to now I've still failed to escape it, and I've been trying for a while. I'm beginning to wonder if it's not possible to climb out intact, and if instead I'm going to have to sever a few trapped limbs (habits? values? ideas? needs?) to really get free.

"Your Mom already knows. Smart girls in the office already know that you like to sleep with men. Your straight acting traits are few and far between as your feminine traits start to surface. You tend to be a real sensitive guy that gets along great with the female posse at work. Your wrist limpens on occasion."

...I don't really have a limp wrist, do I? Anyone?

In a moment of ground-zero boredom, and while eating Oreos, I bet myself that in some remote corner of the internet lurked a site where you could adopt a cookie. Well guess what!



And don't ask me why it's plaid, I never knew cookies could-- fine, fine, I'll just go to bed now.

House cafeterias change names for 'french fries' and 'french toast': I am so embarrased and ashamed to be American, reading news like this.

Ran some errands, went to work, did some DDR and then came home around 7. (Today's math lesson: 2 chili dogs + 3 games of DDR = 5 epithets screamed while running to the bathroom.) I passed out on the couch from 8-11 [and dreamed that the entire house was made of food, incidentally], which leaves me curious indeed as to how and when I'm going to be able to sleep tonight. I also talked to Matt earlier, and he mentioned that they're releasing a new drug-- a combination of melatonin, endorphins and ritalin-- which makes you feel well-rested despite the amount of sleep you get and furthermore makes you feel focused and eager to work. Sleeping and procrastinating are two of mankind's most basic and natural functions; why are we inventing pills to oblierate them? I am proud of my lazy lethargy, thank you very much.

Speaking of lazy people-- more specifically, lazy, idiotic money-hounds who I would like to pelt with small aerodynamic objects such as tomatoes or young children-- remember that class-action lawsuit up in NYC in which a bunch of kids tried to sue fast-food chains for making them fat? Turns out that in January the district judge threw the case out of court, stating that their plea was common knowledge. It's a relief to know that there is at least a shred of rational thought left in our I-spilled-the-coffee-on-myself-but-you-made-it-too-hot, oops-how-did-this-man-get-under-my-car judicial system.

This is courtesy of Sara Kate, and I found it pretty amusing: http://www-unix.oit.umass.edu/~thoureau/japanese.html.

Today was the most gorgeous day we've had in months. I wore shorts and a 'beater around the house, opened the door and the windows to let in the breeze and soaked it all up like a pallid little sponge; it's weather like this that's the main reason I moved to Georgia in the first place after all. I did a lot of little things around the house that needed doing and tried to rest up, but it definitely feels like there's something wrong with my throat. I wouldn't care save for the fact that I'll be using it MY VOICE for-- Okay, my roommate is now vacuuming the living room, and it is 12:30am. I've completely forgotten whatever it was I meant to say but I doubt it was important anyway.

Bid bid bid. Bid bid bid! Bid like you've never bidden before! OMFG BID NOW

I woke up with a sore throat and feeling like crap this morning, but right now it seems to be fading. Spent some more time drawing; Peridot is being renamed Galvan, Osseous is now Osseus and I finally came up with the third name I needed, Torreya. I hope this story turns out as cool as I want it to be.

Argh. I think I'm gonna go lay down again.

And before I go to get dressed, I have been filled with bumper sticker ideas lately!

Yesterday was Matt's birthday and his mom's flew down from Way Up North to spend the weekend with him. I'm really glad because she's awesome to talk to and we get along great; I am not glad because his present still hasn't gotten here yet and I ordered it far in advance especially so it would. The perils of internet shopping, I guess.

I'm in a big Chrono Trigger music kick right now and dug out my OST for the first time in years. It seems like ages now since that game came out. My kick all started thanks to this song, but there are several others on the site which are worth a listen:
Ziwtra - Chrono Trigger & Xenogears Downwind
J:/Drive - Chrono Trigger A World Awaits Chrono
JD Harding - Chrono Trigger Daughter of Evil
Children of the Monkey Machine - Chrono Trigger Ocean Palace (Wave Breaker)
Scott Peeples - Chrono Trigger Requiem for a Green Revolution
djpretzel - Chrono Trigger Revival Day Impoetus
Beatdrop - Chrono Trigger Ruined Landscape
Children of the Monkey Machine - Chrono Trigger Ruined World (Eternal Derelict)
Star Salzman - Chrono Trigger Temporal Distortion
Dale North - Chrono Trigger TimeCircuitsHighVoltage
Enjoy!

Oh yeah, and I got a 98 on that Lit midterm I bombed. Hey, whatever.

I just got nailed with my first speeding ticket. I've never been pulled over before and I always figured I'd freak out about it, but it really wasn't that big a scare, and the officer was very nice. It's going to cost $125. I'm not mad, since I did deserve it, but it's just so frustrating how I can never seem to keep my head above water, even though I'm working four days a week. If it's not one thing that's taking all my money, it's another. And the Europe trip is in less than two weeks.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do after I graduate, and not having very many serious ideas bothers me. There's one, though, that I've been considering more and more. I think after I graduate I might become a certified massage therapist and work as a masseur. It pays excellently, it's not hard labor, it's a secure job, I like giving massages already and I think it'd feel great to be doing something that made people feel happier and healthier. Most importantly, it's not a very stressful job and it'd leave me plenty of time to follow my passions. There aren't many job possibilities that excite me, but the fact that this one does is enough incentive to look into it. Not to mention, how cool is it to be able to give good backrubs? I mean really.

You know, watching the thunderstorm raging outside and listening to Yoko Kanno, it's easy to be overwhelmed by the beauty in the world.

Just got back home safe and sound.

I'm doing alright-- I'm sitting here on the computer, after all, I guess. I really despise going to the clinic due to all the less-than-pleasant memories I associate with it, but it was really great to see all the nurses who took care of me. They all lit up when they saw how much healthier I look now, and everyone had fun rubbing my head because my hair is growing back so soft. As for the CT scan: the tumor in my lung is a little smaller and a little less dense, which is naturally a good thing. It would be great if it were no longer there at all, but so long as it's not growing it's an excellent sign and I and my doctors are happy. (My next CT scan will be scheduled for sometime in May.) The port removal was unfortunately a lot worse than I imagined, but so long as I take some Advil regularly the pain isn't too bad. And I'm also really fucking glad it's gone (you know, in case you haven't been able to gather as much from my previous posts). I should be able to drive home tomorrow afternoon or Wednesday morning just fine; Matt said that Boneshakers, the gay club in Athens, is having a Mardi Gras party tomorrow night, and I think it could be pretty fun if I get home in time for it.

I was wandering through other people's journals and was struck by a post in this journal:
How to decide anything
The answer to at least 2 of these 3 things must be 'yes' to proceed:
1) Is it kind?
2) Is it necessary?
3) Is it true?
Seems like a philosophy worth thinking about.

And for shits and giggles: The United States imports six millions barrels of oil a day from the Middle East. If stacked one on top of another, it would make a stack six million barrels high.

.............. Oww.........................

Oh yeah, and I forgot to pack socks and underwear. Lovely, just lovely!

So, as far as I know, this is the plan for tomorrow: At 1pm I'm going to the doctor and they're taking out the port. They are only using a local anaesthesia, which really, really, really sucks because I'm going to be laying there feeling and smelling and listening to them open up my skin and pull out a little metal thing threaded into my veins, even if it doesn't hurt. I am pretty sure that this is going to be awful. At 3 I have the CT scan, which is also stressing me out. Maybe I should just go to bed.

Matt and I spent all day hanging out, and now I'm packing clothes and things for my trip home this weekend. On Monday I'm getting my port taken out and another CT scan, which will find any changes in the node in my lung. If it's grown at all I'm going to need an extensive surgery to have it removed, and I'm naturally hoping that that won't be the case. I am, however, looking forward to getting home and seeing my dad while I'm happy and healthy and even sporting a little bit of hair. He took such good care of me from the very beginning of all of this; it still truly amazes me.

Right now, somewhere in Athens, I just know that my Lit teacher is grading my horrible Lit essay, and the thought makes me shudder.

Lord almighty. Should... have stayed home. Should have stayed home...