In the span of one day I went from planning my exit from Old Job in favor of New Job to seriously debating whether I should keep at New Job or simply throw in the towel. The past two shifts have been so hectic, even though I'm trying my absolute best, that I'm no longer very confident at all that I'll ever be able to do it as well as I want to. Cushy paychecks and great workouts (Jesus, my arms!) aside, it doesn't seem fair to me to stick with a job I'm bad at and force everyone else to pick up my slack, especially with a job this difficult to begin with. I think I've decided to give it until classes start on the 18th to make a decision. Assuming I last even that long. At the very least, if I do end up having to quit, I'll walk away having found something I royally, utterly suck at. I've been looking forward to that moment for years.

Now that X2 is sadly gone from all the local places I dropped by the dollar theatre today to see The Hulk. Ang Lee has answered the age-old question, Just how much pathos and drama is it possible to work into a superhero flick? The answer: a whole fucking lot. The plot is fine, the special effects are excellent (especially the consistently gorgeous comic-style scene transitions), but the drama is the main focus. I will forever appreciate him for directing Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, my favorite film of all time. But while he was able to cultivate an even more thorough sense of human tragedy in this movie... I was just kinda hoping to see the Hulk bust up a lot of shit, and in two-plus hours that doesn't happen much. If I'd wanted to care about the movie, I would have loved it.

The theme of this update is: work!

I forgot to mention something odd and a little frightening that happened yesterday. You know how when you look up into the sun, you get a sparkling little blur of blindness on your eyes where you saw it? During my shift at the Old Job I spontaneously developed one of those, a large, twitching crescent-shaped one to the left of my center of vision. Over the span of a few minutes it grew larger and larger until it occupied the entire left side of my sight. Anything I saw in that area was colorless and indistinct; looking at a word, I couldn't see any of its letters immediately to the left of the one I was staring at. After a few minutes of this I got an excrutiating headache and it grew extremely difficult to focus my eyes on anything at all. I told my friends what was going on and they said it sounded as though I hadn't eaten enough, even though I'd had some cereal before work. Luckily there were only ten minutes or so until the end of the shift, when I carefully drove home, had a sandwich, popped some Advil and passed out for a few hours. I've never had anything like that happen before and it hasn't happened again since, so I'm assuming it was because I needed food.

Old Job is shutting down for two weeks while they move to a new building closer to campus. I'm helping tomorrow, Thursday and Monday with the move. I'm glad I won't have to worry about that job for a while, but today I discovered that I absolutely won't be able to keep both my jobs once class starts again. If I stay with Old Job, the hours are more convenient but the pay is worse. Whenever I get promoted I'll get a little raise and be able to do homework during the shifts, but there's no real guarantee that that'll happen within the next few months. If I leave now, though, I'll be giving up my chance at the promotion. On the other hand, the New Job has terrible hours but the pay is great, I get a good workout and it's truly gratifying work. So, stick with Old Faithful, or risk it all for a shot at something new? I have a couple weeks to decide, but it's not going to be easy. I know I'll be content either way, albeit for different reasons, but whichever I choose, I'm always going to wonder about the other.

While Harry Potter fanart is near the very bottom of the list of stuff I pay attention to online, I randomly stumbled onto this site earlier today: artdungeon.net. The artist is illustrating the newest book chapter by chapter and her art is gorgeous enough that I think anyone could enjoy it. She has miscellaneous art section here. It's almost more fun than reading the books.

It's been almost a week so I suppose an update is in order.

I'm still enjoying the New Job a lot; I get paid to spend all night shouting, swearing and throwing heavy shit around, so what's not to like? I'm overly concerned about the fact that I'm still making mistakes and still have things to learn, but a few talks with my boss helped me realize that, yes, it's okay not to be perfect right off the bat, and, no, they don't think I'm lazy or stupid and they're not going to tear up my time card and boot me out the door. Since I started the job I've gained a surprising amount of muscle on my arms and legs and I think my health is already better now than it's been in ages. After just a week I'm sleeping and eating better and feel happier. (And because I sweat so much, I finally caved and bought a razor in order to buzz my head again. I missed it!) I'm also still quite proud of the fact that I'm doing a job I honestly didn't think I could do. Despite the harsh hours, I'd love to continue it when the new semester starts. Ironically, after the year I've spent working towards a promotion at the Old Job, I won't need it if this works out. Or maybe I'll just do both. It sounds a tad overzealous to take 16 hours of classes, work 16 hours at one job and 25 at another, but there's no harm in trying, right? Sleep is overrated anyway.

Yesterday and on Thursday I was lucky enough to hang out at the Biscuit Factory for a while with Jon and the gang, but I spent almost the whole weekend with Matt. We kicked back and caught up on movies. A lot of movies. Igby Goes Down tries to be both funny and heartwarming and doesn't really succeed at either, but it's still well done and worth watching. The unfortunately edited version of Y Tu Mam? También wasn't bad but it felt much longer than it really was. The second time around, Spider-Man seems incredibly hokey and the CG is trully awful-- but then, I'm probably being extra harsh because of X2. There was another one, too, what was-- oh, Topsy Turvy, about the writing and production of the opera "The Mikado" by Gilbert and Sullivan, which Matt and I actually saw performed a while back (though poorly). The movie is great, and worth the rental just for the costume and set designs. I really could talk about movies for hours... I think I was a film student in a past life.

To avoid sounding like a complete airhead, I'll end with some amazing numbers from the latest issue of Time:
$455 billion: Record budget deficit forecast for this year according to current White House estimates
$242 billion: Amount of surplus originally projected for this year in a White House estimate in 2001
$290 billion: Previous record for the deficit, set in 1992 under the first President Bush
$1 billion: Weekly cost to maintain the 148,000 troops stationed in Iraq for several years
And the deficit is not including that $1 billion/wk cost. Hurry and hop in the handbasket if you want a good seat!

I am happy to announce that the New Job rocks. I came home sore, sweaty, smelly and sleepy and cannot wait to go back for more tomorrow morning. Apparently it has an even higher turnover rate than the Old Job; I guess I'm just good at tedious jobs. Most of the other workers are college students as well, and during the shift I had the following conversation with no less than three of them:
"Having fun?"
"Definitely!"
"Hahaha."
"No, seriously."
"Oh. Well cool."
Although I'm still not sure I'll be physically able to do the job on my own once I'm finished shadowing, at the very least I wasn't so awful that I had to give up and quit halfway through the shift, as a part of me was fearing. It's like getting paid to work out and watch the sunrise.

So apparently we killed Saddam's sons, Uday and Qusay, this morning (our time). I know they both committed atrocities, and it will surely help to boost morale for our troops still stuck in Iraq for this mockery of a war, but I still feel a pang of resentment about it. I hope their children are all right. Of course my resentment could stem in part from the fact that the informant is going to get a thirty million dollar ($30,000,000) reward for, well, informing. Our unemployment rate hit 6.4% in June, the highest it's been in nine years, so I can think of a few more effective ways for our government to spend thirty million dollars.

It's 1:30? Time for breakfast!

I was supposed to tutor Alex tonight with his Spanish, but he bailed on me for the third time in the past week because he'd "had a hard day" and would rather do it later in the week "at any time that's convenient for me"-- which he also said for these three times in the past week that I set aside time for him and he cancelled. That's not very convenient at all. I hope I don't do things like this and simply don't realize it. I'd like to believe that when I give my word, it has value for people.

Speaking of work: tonight when I went back for my second shift the huge wooden doors to the workroom were closed, something that never happens. I tugged on the handles; the doors gave a little but didn't open. I could hear plenty of people in the room and knocked, but no one let me in. Tried the handles again; again, the doors moved a bit but didn't open. Knocked again. No help. Finally I knocked quite loudly and still no one helped me! I gave the handles one last crank and a little push-- and the doors opened forwards, into a room packed with my coworkers all gaping at me in mute disbelief. And I'm in college?

I have my New Job orientation tomorrow at 11, work at my current job from 5-9, then start the New Job at 2:30am. I'm hoping that I will be physically able to do this job, but I'm not very confident. My stomach is churning with dread just thinking about it.

And tonight I came home to find an email from a best friend in need of serious help that could very effectively turn my world even more topsy-turvy in a few weeks' time.

Oh, and class starts in 25 days and counting. I guess this summer's going to end with a bang after all. Here's to hoping that it won't be in my face.

I got the New Job: Tues-Sat, 3:00-7:30am, $8.50/hr. I go in tomorrow morning at 11 for orientation and then start work tomorrow night/morning. This is beside the 28 hours I'm working already, haha. I'm so fucked! This is gonna be interesting. But I'll figure something out during the 8 hours and tutoring I'm doing today, I hope. Man, what the hell am I doing...

Oh, and the New Job called back. Almost three months after my application, and during the two-day window when I was out of town.

I'm already home again from Asheville. The tests turned out even better than expected-- the node in my lung that they've been monitoring for months, unsure whether it was a blood vessel or something else, has now been declared most definitely a blood vessel. Suddenly, I'm entirely cancer-free. I don't think it's really set in yet that the horror of the last year is actually over, and that all that remains are my continued check-ups (the next one is set for early September). The clinic, as always, looked as much like a retirement home as it did a hospital; all through my treatment I never saw anyone my own age and the other patients always gawked at me like they resented me. Before treatment it was because I was too young, during treatment it was because I looked worse than any of them, and now after treatment it's because I'm healthy again. The unity of the cancer community is nothing if not heart-warming. At least I was able to hang out with Bec and Monica while I was in town, which is always a blast.

I'm still working 28 hours a week, which doesn't leave me with much to write about besides work-related things that even I have no interest in. Over a year ago my dad's therapist pointed out that "when something doesn't work, the American solution is to do more of it." He has a point. I guess I've fallen into the trap, considering how much I'm working to combat a shitty salary-- though in my own defense, there aren't any jobs available in Athens right now besides fast food labor that possibly pays even less. But I'm leaving for Asheville tomorrow night to have my tests done on Thursday and Friday and will hopefully see Becca and Monica while I'm there. I worked a double shift yesterday and am working another one day to make up for the lost workdays, then tutoring Alex tonight after work. At least Friday is payday.

A group shot of us from last night, thanks to Sara Kate. I am a bandwidth pirate. Yarrrr!

More tutoring; shadowed by a new employee at work; still hyped up on the movie last night and looking forward to LXG-- no, no X-Men parallels with this movie-- tomorrow with Matt.

About a dozen of us just went to see the sneak preview of Pirates of the Caribbean in full pirate costume. Sara Kate was nice enough to lend me some of her gear, and fun was had by all! It was a sneak preview at 10pm on a Wednesday night and the theatre was filled to capacity. That's a pretty good indication of both how crazy it's going to be this weekend and how good the movie is.

I lost my temper yesterday, and at work of all places. I'll be the first person to admit that I am often very nitpicky about things-- I'm trying to get better about that, by the way-- but this is the first time in ages that I've felt truly angry about something. There is a new guy at work, Anthony, who spends every shift tossing his opinions (educated or otherwise) around like they were loaves of bread for the needy. Yesterday he somehow got onto the subject of cancer with someone else, and by the time I noticed, Anthony was sharing his wisdom on chemotherapy: "What's the point of chemotherapy, anyway? It's just a gesture they save for the people who're dying." Before I knew it my heart was pounding, my face was flushing and I was telling Anthony much, much louder than was necessary that I had gone through chemotherapy. It silenced him for a while but eventually he was back to prattling about other topics and I was left feeling embarassed and still frustrated-- which undoubtedly serves me right. At the very least, I was mature enough to know that the proper thing to would be to apologize. And maybe I will, someday.

Today was my day off. So far I've spent most of it doing errands and reading the new Harry Potter book a friend at work was kind enough to lend me; I'm on page 600 of 870 and mostly underwhelmed. Just a little while ago I tutored Alex (Matt's friend, remember) in Spanish. I took Spanish for seven years but haven't used it for about two, so I wasn't sure how it would work, but in the end it was great. It made me remember all the reasons I love Spanish and I get paid for it to boot. Hopefully we'll be doing this for a while.

I am home from Asheville, tired but happy and a good few pounds heavier. Matt and I both had a good time; it was his first Aaron's-Family Holiday, which is always a bit of a shock for first-timers, but once the initial surprise wore off he did just fine! My dad's now 60 years old. That means he can get the senior citizens' discount at movie theatres, which doesn't make sense at all, because that's only for old people.... In any case, I finally got to see his new car. It is a black 2001 Mercedes S600. All I can think to say is that I was not even aware cars this nice existed.

My roommate, Dan, is completely broke. He's a film grad student and spent the early part of this summer working on some movie shoots for no pay, so now he's scrambling to pay all his bills. Since he is my tenant, his problem is my problem. Last month he was strapped for cash so I let him pay his rent on the 15th instead of the 1st, a gesture that wiped me out for a week or two and I now regret doing. He informed me yesterday that he won't be able to pay anything until the 15th again this month, and even then it'll only be half the rent. I hate to have to crack down but I'm going to have to. According to his rental agreement, which I have dug out for use in this matter, rent is due on the 1st of the month and a $20 late fee will be applied after the 5th of the month, with a $5 fee for each additional day.... Naturally, I'm chattering on about this in my journal because I'm nervous about doing it with him, even though I'm in the right. It doesn't matter that I can relate to being strapped for cash-- I need that money or I ain't gonna be able to pay the mortgage. This is what you have to look forward to when you get your place, Monica! But admittedly this is the only really serious problem I've had with either of my last two tenants and I guess it will be good practice for my promotion in the Fall(!!). I think Dan's up and about, so here goes...

Last night after work and Matt's I drove home in the worst conditions I've ever seen. It poured rain all day and by the time I tried to drive home around 10, it was raining harder than ever. I had my wipers set on max, was going 20mph with my brights on, and still couldn't see the car ten feet ahead of me. A good third of the drive home the road was underwater-- as in, I could not see any road markings whatsoever and was repeatedly afraid my car was going to be washed away. But I made it home! I love my little old POS car so dearly. It is a shame that its problems seem to be multiplying more rapidly than I can maintain them these days. Dad's already talking into dipping into my savings to get another car, but I'm not giving up hope that quickly. Hopefully my car will be able to survive the trek up to Asheville for Dad's birthday this weekend; Matt and I plan to leave tomorrow night and come back sometime Saturday.

Oh yeah, and Alex (Matt's friend) just got royally dumped by Kim (his cool girlfriend). Sucks.

Right now I'm sipping some of the best hot chocolate in my life, which may or may not have anything to do with the fact that since it's July, it's probably the last thing my mouth was expecting to taste. I'm not much of a morning person but I'm trying to enjoy the morning as much as I can because I work a double shift today.

MARVEL is hiring artists and writers. I found this last night and was so excited that I got goosebumps. Thinking about it now is giving me goosebumps again and making my heart pound. I'm going to find something to submit. Lately I'm starting to wonder if I wouldn't be happy working in entertainment somehow, behind the scenes or otherwise. I've had four people in the last week tell me that I should be a voice actor, and my nagging desire to try to act in something has been getting stronger lately. I guess the first step would be to get an agent...

WeiB Kreuz Gluhen - The Abridged Script: I debated posting this here because it's just a silly fanfic/parody I'm writing and probably won't make much sense to anyone who hasn't seen the show (I'm jealous of you). But in the several days it's been up it's gotten a surprising amount of feedback, most of it positive and the rest hilarious. I would be happy to continue with episode 3 but I deleted it a long while back and can't find it anywhere to download via p2p or otherwise. I guess this would be classified as 'technical difficulties'?

I forgot to mention Sunday that Matt recently pointed out I don't swing my left arm when I walk. I thought it was just a fluke-- but it's true. Now whenever I walk, of course, I'm constantly paranoid about it.

I think I'm going to go sit on the porch and drink my cocoa while watching the rain.