When the lawn guys came on Monday and knocked on the door, both the dogs snuck out through my legs while I was talking to them. I scooped them both up in my arms to carry them back inside but Baxter somehow managed to squirm free and leap down, landing hard on his front legs. Since then he's been letting out these occasional sharp yelps of pain. We can't tell if he injured one of his legs or his chest or worse yet, his back. My stance is that since he doesn't seem to be in any pain except for these brief jolts, it can't be anything too major. And frankly, after losing Shadow a few weeks ago, I don't want to think about the chance of us losing him as well.

Oh yeah, and I buzzed my head this weekend to a modest half-inch. Since I'd gone almost a year without hair, this last stint growing it back was to see if it was really as bothersome and tedious as I remembered, and it was. Playing with one's hair every morning just seems to me the epitome of vanity and tedium, and I feel better about myself to some tiny degree when I can circumvent that. And now no one sits next to me on the bus, another plus.

A 92 on the essay, a 95 on the programming project, and a 90, 91 and 99.5 on the exams. A 4.0 for the semester seems imminent.

Matt and I made the mistake of renting Burnout 3, and not once, but twice. It is one of the most fun and immediately addicting games ever created, and will probably tide us over until Price of Persia 2 is released. If not, there is and always will be Disgaea.

I'm going back to Asheville from the 28th-29th to get my periodic blood tests/x-rays at the clinic and to see Bec and Monica, now back from their journey to Japanland. The following weekend Matt and I are driving to Suwanee, Tennessee for my cousin's wedding. With my permission Mom just recently told my brother, my grandmother and all the rest of her very conservative Christian side of the family that I'm gay. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that they all were very accepting of this. This visit will be the first time that I'll actually get to be honest about myself and my life around this half of my family, and I'm equal parts nervous and optimistic about it. I'm definitely looking forward to introducing Matt to them, though, because he's a wonderful person and my cousin is sure to rue his orientation and her engaged state.

The election's in less than three weeks now. About goddamn time. For good or ill-- though hopefully for good-- I am really looking forward to all of this chaos being over and done with. Either President Kerry will give us hope, or a reelection for Bush will simply prove, once and for all, how backwards this country really is.

It's hard to believe that AWA was almost a week ago. I was so excited to see Hope that I didn't get much sleep Friday night and then got up bright and early Saturday morning for the drive to Atlanta, but my sleepiness evaporated as soon as I saw her. I was nervous that the past four years would have changed one or both of us enough to alter our friendship and happily discovered that they hadn't: once we were together again it was as though we'd only been apart for a weekend. I got to meet her boyfriend Mike (very cool guy) and also got the chance to see Cara and Pat again when the group of us went to a Japanese yakisoba restaurant for dinner. Otherwise the three of us spent the day wandering around the con, which was actually more fun and a lot bigger than I'd expected. Jon et al. won the Best Cosplay Group award that night, after which I had to head back to Athens. After so many years of alternating parents all through elementary school and moving from place to place I've become sort of immune to saying goodbye-- I shift into autopilot mode to get it over with quickly and cleanly. When I was back on the highway a few minutes later, though, I started tearing up... and then realized that I'd gotten pictures of everyone else with the camera that Hope gave me but none of Hope and I together. I still don't know how the hell I managed that, but I guess it's another good reason for us to see each other again in sometime sooner than four years. She's the same beautiful, sweet person I remembered and I know without a doubt that I'll always love her.

I delayed writing about this while I attempted to find a suitable photograph, but two days before AWA my mother called to tell me that Shadow, our family cat, died. She was fourteen and had been staving off a growing number of illnesses for several years, but then developed encephalitis and deteriorated rapidly. Although I only saw Shadow once since coming to college she'd been an integral part of my childhood since I was nine. It's hard to think about her not being there, this little striped grey cat with a heart-shaped nose sleeping in our laps and climbing on the neighbors' screen doors and terrorizing their huge dogs. We both loved her dearly, and I'm happy knowing that she had a great life.

Regarding much more trivial matters than faraway best friends and dying pets, the past seven days have been crammed with a programming project, a major essay and three exams. Otherwise this semester (half-over already?) has been relatively painless and even fun. My classes are late enough in day that I don't have to use an alarm clock, a luxury I wholeheartedly recommend to anyone who can arrange it. I've been using the late nights to settle my thoughts and work on my stories, and even if I only write a little each night it makes me feel like I'm working toward my goal.

My general happiness with my life right now is making my problems even more glaring. I'm still broke. I'm still not in shape. I'm still naively and desperately trying to avoid my bills. I'm still waiting for great opportunities to drift out of my reach so I don't have to run the risk of failure. With every day that passes the victory of ignoring these issues feels a little more hollow. Slowly and surely, I'm beginning to deal with them.